All the Stars in the Sky

This weekend, I went with my youth group to the Love, Sex and Dating retreat. God showed me a few things while I was there; only one of which actually having to do with love, sex or dating. :)

1. Have you ever heard of a Nazarite vow? Well, I went and looked up a good definition and it's basically a vow made by someone who wishes to "separate themselves unto the Lord" (Numbers 6:2). In the Bible, it talks about a specific vow that a Nazarite makes (Numbers 6:4-6), but I believe that it can be anything you feel God calling you to. For example, my Nazarite vow was telling God that I wasn't going to date until I graduate high school. But it's different for everyone. :) Now, after making this promise, I would just casually tell people that I don't want to date until after high school. They'd ask why and I'd casually tell them that it just wasn't for me. But this weekend, I realized that this promise, was everything but casual. In God's eyes this promise that I made to Him is beautiful, amazing, ravishing, and best of all, sacred. Wow. Sacred. How awesome is that?! Now I feel like I truely belong to something, but not in a bad way like a slave or a prisoner. I don't feel weighed down by this at all. I feel so much light-hearted! Now I know that once I graduate, I am going to enjoy whatever God has for me so much more because I waited. Of course, I'm not sure why God wants me to wait, but I'm sure I'll understand later. 

Now, either God has a great sense of humor, or Satan is more mean than I thought. See, when I made this vow, I didn't think it'd be that hard, 'cause I'd never been asked out, and no guy had ever shown any interest in me. Ha! 4 months after I made the promise, all of that changed. For six months I really struggled with keeping the promise and even the beginning of this school year I had thoughts of going back on my word, but God is faithful and He will help keep us strong!!! <3 

2. The whole time we were at this camp, it was kinda chilly and cloudy. While we were having worship this morning, I was felling sorry about not being where I should be in my relationship with Him. I've felt so guilty because of that for a long time now. But God said, "Katie, look where you are now compared to where you were in 8th grade." So I thought back to 8th grade and I was like, ew. I was pretty messed up. God agreed. Haha. But anyway, I kinda argued with Him saying that I didn't deserve this because I didn't do that...etc etc, but God just said, I love you and you love Me. That's all that matters and we can work on that other stuff. 
As I gave up all that guilt and shame that I've been carrying for the longest time now, the clouds parted and the sun started to shine again. I couldn't help but smile because the weather was reflecting exactly what I felt in my heart. It was awesome! 

3. Last night, we played capture the flag. It was fun, for the part where I wasn't in jail. Haha. But when I was in jail, I looked up to the sky and I realized that I had seen stars before, but just not so many all at once! It was gorgeous! As I studied each one of those stars individually, I realized that they flickered and turned from white, to red, to blue (and no, they weren't airplanes 'cause they weren't moving and all of them were doing it!). I imagined those stars millions of miles away in the galaxy and was totally overwhelmed by the awesomeness of God. And I realized something. The little things that God reveals to us about Himself and His love and mercy, are like little stars. It's like all the stars in the sky are little parts of God's heart or something that He has put out there for us to see. Kinda understand what I'm saying? But yeah. I guess I'm kinda glad I was in jail...for 40 minutes...in the freezing cold....
:D

The only thing I regret about this weekend is not bringing tennis shoes like I was supposed to and having to wear Mark's big socks over my flip-flops the entire time.

Sorry Mark.

;( 

What God Already Knows

R. W. Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 

Ok, so that's my attempt at sounding smart for the day. Haha anyway, I was in English today and my teacher has that quote up on the wall. The moment I read it, it dawned on me. In a way, God is saying that to us too. 

When we spend time to talk to God, He doesn't always want us to just repeat back what He has already told us in the Bible, He wants us to talk to Him about whats going on in our hearts. I mean, talking to Him about what He says in the Bible isn't bad. I'm just saying, that shouldn't be the majority of what our conversations with Him should be about. Do you kind get what I'm saying? 

Basically, God doesn't want us to "quote" the Bible to Him. He wants to hear about us. About what is going on in our lives. Not that He doesn't already know...lol, but that is what creates a two-way relationship. 

It brings me back to the story that I know I've probably written about once before. The first time I went to the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, I was just having some time with God and this was basically the conversation: 

Me: God, please just tell me something! I want to hear Your voice. 
God: I love you. 
Me: *smiles* Yes God I know! But tell me something I don't know! 
God: I love you. 
Me: I know God! But can You tell me something important?! 
God: You know I love you, but you don't know I love you. 
Me: ......oh........ 

Basically God was saying that I knew in my head that God loves me, but I didn't know it in my heart. See, I was just going off of what I had learned and read my entire life. "Jesus died for you." "God loves you." I was "quoting" the Bible. But we can't just "quote" the Bible, we need to believe it with our hearts. 

I don't want to just quote things back to God anymore. 

I actually want to talk with Him.

Judging VS. Imagination

Lately, I've been really thinking about how difficult it is to keep from judging people. Which is ironic since one of my biggest pet peeves is when people openly judge people without even knowing them very well, or even without meeting them.

See, a lot of times, I hear someone say something, or see them do something and I'll kind of start wondering why they said or did that, and think up different things that could be going on in their life because of that. 

Does that even make sense?

I guess what I'm asking is, am I judging that person? Or am I just too imaginative and let my mind get carried away? Once after thinking about a guy in my math class to much, I went from the possibility of him being an atheist, to gay, to vampire (not seriously of course lol), to a musician. I came to the conclusion that he was a gay atheist vampire who was a musician. Lol. Just kidding. 

Seriously though. I don't want to be a judging person. Because it's not my job to judge. That is God's job. And I say that quite often. So feeling like this, also makes me feel like a hypocrite because I'm saying one thing, but then doing another. 

Hypocrisy is another one of my big pet peeves. 

Hmmm. New thought. Maybe all my pet peeves are something that I need to work on myself.

Matthew 7:3-5
3"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. 

Reminds me of the time I was in dance class about 5 years ago. We were working on our recital dance. I went up to the teacher, Miss Debbie, and told her that I thought that my partner Mary needed to work on a certain move. Miss Debbie just looked at me, smiled, and quoted Matt. 7:3. I was kinda confused. She turned to the class and said we needed to do that part over again so that we could work on that move. "Especially Mary and Katie" She said. I'll always remember that.

I really hope I'm not a judgmental hypocrite. :(

I'll be praying about this one. 

Christianity VS. Churchianity

So, lately, I've been realizing that a lot of people don't have anything against Christians themselves, but they are against the actual concept of religion. The whole idea of religion, kinda bothers me too...and a lot of other Christians I know. One director I worked with a while back said it well when he said, "Religion is mixing the things of God, with the things of man." It's so true. But us, as humans, are imperfect. So religion, is mixing our imperfections with God's perfection! 

I grew up in a "religious" home. Both of my parents are strong Christians and I was homeschooled. I was drenched with religion 24/7. And I gotta tell ya, I got tired of it fast. So I understand where people are coming from when they say they are sick of religion! So am I! 

But you see, being a Christian isn't about a religion. It's about a relationship with Jesus Christ. When I realized that, suddenly Christianity wasn't boring anymore. It was a journey. A journey of digging deeper into who Jesus Christ is. His love for us. His will for us. A journey of becoming more like Him. An extremely exciting journey. 

I heard it put this way once. I love it. The religious leaders of Jesus' time were the Phariesees. They were the leaders of the church. Did you know, that they hated Jesus? Did you know, they are the ones who wanted Him dead? They hated Him because He was preaching something different than what they preached. They preached from the Old Testiment. Rules, and regulations. Jesus taught and showed love. 

That is the difference between Christianity and Churchianity...or religion, whatever you want to call it!Christianity is the act of going on an amazing journey, forming a relationship with our Savior Christ.Churchianity is following the church, and its rules. 

Which one would you rather follow??

Dare2Share

So this weekend, I went to a youth conference called Dare2Share with my youth group. It's exactly what it sounds like. We were challenged to take the good news of Jesus Christ into our schools, neigborhoods and communities. Wow. It was amazing. Not just in the sense of learning more about sharing the gospel with friends and such, but also personally. 

One thing they asked us to do during the conference was to call a friend that didn't know Jesus for themselvesm, and talking to them about it. I called one of my friends. I don't know him very well, but the second they asked us to think of a person, his name popped into my head. I was so freaked! I was freaked because I didn't know what to say, and I thought I would regret calling him afterwards. I know that what people think of me isn't important but I still wanted to be friends with him, so I didn't want him to think I'm a religious freak. So anyways, I called him (I think I might have woken him up...oops) and the whole time the phone was ringing, I was praying I would have to leave a message.

God had different plans.

He answered, I awkwardly said hi, asked him about something had said about a month ago about God and asked if he wanted to talk about it. He said that he had just been kidding around and he didn't need to talk about it or anything. So I said, "Oh. Ok....well, I guess I'll talk to you later."

Talk about awkward. :-/

But it was afterwards that surprised me. Instead of beating myself up for even calling him in the first place, I was beating myself up because I suddenly thought of a thousand things I could have said (that's why I suck at improv in theater...). I actually didn't regret calling him at all. 
Do you think it's possible that God put me in that situation, not so that I could lead "John" (not his real name) to Christ, but because maybe, God wanted to show me something about myself? That I do actually have enough courage to do this kind of stuff? That I really can do anything in Christ's name?? Of course I'm hoping and praying that God will use that phone call in "John's" life somehow, but maybe that wasn't the whole point of it all...

I am really excited for the days to come. There are a couple of quotes that I love. "Actions speak louder than words." and "Always preach the gospel; When necessary, use words." Those two quotes are so true. As a Christian what you do, is just as important as what you say about your faith. But I realized this weekend that I took those quotes too far. I tricked myself into thinking that if I live like a "good Christian" that will be fine. I don't really have to say anything unless someone asks me about it or it comes up in conversation (neither of which happens very often). But I need to make my faith and what I believe to be true in my heart, verbally known. One of the speakers at the conference used this example. If you had the cure to cancer, and your friend had cancer, wouldn't you give it to them? As Christians, we have Jesus! Why wouldn't we want to give that to our friends too? 

One other thing they talked about a few times this weekend was the fact that there is a difference between religion, and having a personal relationship with Jesus. Personally, the whole concept of religion makes me sick. Guess who else got sick by that?
Jesus.

In the bible, the Pharisees are high, religious, men in the temple. Guess what. They hated Jesus. They strongly disliked the things He said and did. They are the people who wanted Him dead. For three days, they got their wish. 

Jesus did not come to earth to enforce more religion. He came so that we could know Him personally and be free of all that religious crap that holds so many people down. 
I just thought it was pretty cool how they said that. I love it!

So, if I come running up in the halls or something and ask you a question about God, or ask if I can pray for you; please don't be freaked out. Lol. I'm not crazy...well, maybe just a little... :-D

I'm just really excited because this cowardly lion, just got her medal of courage!

For Me and For You

Today at youth group, we talked about what Jesus went through when He died on the cross. Usually when we think of His death, we think of a couple whip marks a few nails and a little crown of thorns. It was so much more than that. They didn't just whip Jesus. They stripped Him down naked and while he was bent over a stump, they took a whip that was 9 long pieces of leather and at the end of those pieces, there were nails, and glass, and metal. Those sharp things would get caught in His skin and the soldiers had to yank them out of His back. They did this over and over and over again until His whole back side, from his shoudlers to his feet, were baisically strips of flesh hanging off of His bones. 
He endured this for me and for you! 
The soldiers beat Him until He was hardly recognizable. His beard was probably ripped from His face! 
The crown of thorns that they put on His head weren't the little thorns you find on a rose steam, they were thorns 2 to 3 inches long. And it wasn't just put on His head, they were shoved onto His head. 
Then they nailed Him to a cross. Did you know that when you are hung from a cross, all the bones in your body are dislocated?? Did you know, that when you are hanging from a cross, you can't breath unless you push yourself up to inhale and then relax to exhale??? Jesus did that for 6 hours. 6 hours! And I thought running for 6 minutes in gym class was painful. Did you know that at one point while hanging there, the soldiers offered Him a mixture to drink that would soften the pain but Jesus refused it because He wanted to feel all the pain, for me and for you? 

And all this time, He had a picture of me, and you in His mind. He was doing this for us. Because He loves us. And because He wants us to be with Him in Heaven for eternity. No matter what we have done or will do in the future. He did all of that for me and for you. I don't know about you, but I feel like I owe Him my life. I don't feel like that because of obligation or guilt, but because I know He loves me and I love Him. I will do anything for someone I love. I am heartbroken for those people who see God as a god who doesn't care about us. Who just sits on His throne and yells at us. No. He is a God of love and mercy and hope. He sent Jesus Christ because He loves us. I want to give Him my life after what He did for me and for you.

Reflection on Christmas

"Mary, Did You Know" has to be my favorite Christmas song. I absolutely love it! And yes, I do get a lot of my inspiration for blogs from songs! 
We need to focus on the real reason for Christmas. I know that so many of us has heard this way to many times but I think its a good thing to hear, just to remind us."Jesus is the reason for the season" type logos are to, well....to religious for me. Yes it's true. But I want something deeper than just religion. I want a relationship. My pastor told a story tonight at the Christmas Eve service. It made me cry.

There were a couple of missionaries in a orphanage during Christmas. (I don't remember what country it was) They told the children the story of Jesus and afterward, they gave them some paper, flannel, tissue paper and cardboard to make their own manger scene. The cardboard was for the manger, the tissue paper for the hay, the flannel for a blanket and the paper was to make baby Jesus. One of the missionaries was going around looking at the children's crafts and everything was going well until he came to one little boy. This little boy had two babies in the manger, instead of just one. When he asked the little boy why there were two babies in the manger, the little boy started to tell the Christmas story from the beginning with accuracy until the end. When he came to the end of the story this is what he said.
"When Mary put Jesus in the manger, Jesus asked me if I had anyplace to stay. I said no. I didn't have a mommy, or a daddy, or a place to live. I was all by myself. Jesus asked if I wanted to stay with Him. I really wanted to, but I knew I didn't have a gift for Jesus like the three wise-men. But I thought that maybe He would want me to keep Him warm. I asked Jesus if He would like that. Jesus replied and said, "Yes. If you kept me warm, that would be the greatest gift I have ever received." The little boy then climbed into the manger with Jesus, and Jesus told him that he could stay with Him forever and ever. After finishing his story, the little boy burst into tears and could only repeat the words "forever and ever" over and over again.

"Forever and ever" is why Jesus came to this earth. "Forever and ever" is why we have Christmas. "Forever and ever" is how long Jesus' love lasts for us. "Forever and ever" is how long we will be in Heaven with Jesus Christ, that little baby boy who came to die for us.

There is also another story my pastor told tonight.
There was a mom doing some last minute Christmas shopping. And, as anyone would be on Christmas Eve, she was pretty rushed. At some point in her craze, she realized that her three year old was nowhere to be seen. She retraced her steps and found him with his nose up against a window. In the window was a Nativity scene display. He turned to his mom and said, "Look mommy! It's Jesus! It's baby Jesus!" As his mother hurriedly jerked him away from the window she said, "Hurry up, we don't have time for that."

"We don't have time for that" ?! You don't have time for the whole reason of Christmas when you are out running around for Christmas presents? I know I'm guilty of it. Everyone is. Forgetting why we celebrate Christmas. But my goal this year is to make time for the one and only Christmas present that will last forever and ever.

I still don't know where the song "Mary, Did you Know?" fits into all of this...lol...but I just think it's a pretty cool song. Did Mary know that she was holding the human form of God? Did she know that the baby she held had walked with angels, and would someday walk on water? That just amazes me. The end of the song gives me chills everytime I hear it! 

Merry Christmas everyone!