There's Been a Change in Me

"You want to make God laugh? Tell Him your life plans."

I've always liked that quote, but this summer, it has become more real to me. More personal. 
My first summer in Nebraska has been more than eye-opening. It's been life changing. When I first moved here, I was determined that I would spend the enitre summer back in Minnesota. I would stay with my best friend, I would go to Common Grounds Youth Group every week with my school friends, and be in the summer musical The Secret Garden with my theater friends. It would be exactly what it was like when I lived there. I even wrote a blog about it last November! 

A month or so later, my parents and I were talking about it, and they told me they didn't want me in Minnesota the entire summer...I was extremely disappointed to say the least. But, I compromised. I would stay, and do the summer musical (South Pacific) with Papillion LaVista Community Theater and afterwards, I would go to Minnesota for about a month before school started. Then at least I would be able to see The Secret Garden and my friends. I was still in the stage where I was bitter and angry so I wanted nothing to do with the church or Chain Reaction Youth Group. But Dawn and Chelsey and a few others kept telling me to go to Dare2Share in Feburary. So I did. After that, youth group was all I really cared about. God showed me so much about the people when we were there. In a lot of ways, I enjoy being with them more than my friends at school. They are probably some of the most amazing people I have ever met. 

Finally, I made the right choices. I signed up for the summer trip to Montana, decided to go to Kansas City with Cheryl, Mike, Brad and Dawn, volunteered to help with VBS in June, applied for a job at Kids of the King, accepted an offer to be a worship leader intern with Cheryl and settled for a week in Minnesota in August and a week with my best friend Sarah in Nebraska. Wow. What a change from my original summer plans! And I have absolutly no regrets! All I can say is, God works in mysterious ways. He has spoken to me through so many people here and He still continues to do so.

My favorite part of summer, so far, has to be the Montana trip. I went to serve, and I did as much as I could, but I think God wanted me there to learn something else too. One night, Jordan was talking about who we are in Christ. That really hit me hard. I didn't feel like I was a hypocrite, but I felt like I was trying too hard to prove myself to other people. The harder I tried, the stupider I felt. And I would always beat myself up. After talking with Dawn that night, we found out that there was something deeper going on that I didn't even realize. I signed up for Montana so I would grow closer with the people in the youth group. Now, I can honestly say, they are my new family. It was hard admitting that at first. It kind of felt like I was betraying and replacing my old friends, but I wasn't. No one and nothing could ever replace them. These people love me for me. They don't care if I act immature at times. They don't care what I wear, or what I look like. I don't have to change myself for them. I am Me and that's who they love. I have a strong connection to the youth group now. I truely believe that, no matter what I do for college, God is gonna be calling me back to Thanksgiving! Lutheran Church...someday. I found so much in Montana. More of God's awesomeness, new friends, acceptance, strong relationships, love and more. It's been hard for me not to smile the last few days. I can now truely say that I am extremely happy. Probably more happy than I've ever been. 

You know what else is amazing? Summer is only half over... :D
<3 


There's been a change in me
A kind of moving on...
...For now I realize
That good can come from bad...

For in my dark despair 
I slowly understood
My perfect world out there
Had disappeared for good
But in it's place I feel 
A truer life begin
And it's so good and real 
It must come from within

And I, I never thought I'd leave behind
My childhood dreams
But I don't mind
For now I love the world I see
No change of heart, a change in me
~ "A Change in Me", Beauty and the Beast